


a dream is a wish your heart makes

by honeybini



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Realizations, and they were ROOMMATES, light fluff, not as angsty as I planned, roommate!minho, self hatred, seo changbin centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25756921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybini/pseuds/honeybini
Summary: “a dream is a wish your heart makes, when you’re fast asleep.”—in which, changbin wonders if his dream of music is one in which he can succeed in and makes a few realizations along the way.—“have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbow will come smiling through.”
Kudos: 5





	a dream is a wish your heart makes

**Author's Note:**

> this work is based on the song sung by lily james, “a dream is a wish your heart makes.” i would really suggest listening to it as you read to understand this fic and fictional changbin’s struggles a bit better. enjoy!

changbin was alone in his dorm, just him and the surrounding silence which didn’t last for long. the small room was a tight fit, equipped with two twin beds and equally small desks. it was plain, dull, inanimate.

changbin plopped his bag down by his tiny desk, glancing at the mess of papers he’d left strewn all over in his rush to make his 8:30. his eyes glazed over at the sight of unfinished lyrics, scratched out and blended together messily. the notes below them were crumpled, translating into clear anguish: a cacophony of uncertainty and insecurity specific to changbin and changbin alone.

he’s always loved music, even decided to pursue it in college after a lot of deliberation, but he always wondered if he had what it took to succeed. will his work go to waste? his rebellion and passion?

his shoulders crumpled under the mental pressure, the burden of his biting thoughts weighing him down and holding him back.

he shoved the plethora of papers, all mirroring the same message of hopelessness, into his drawer. he shoved the intruding thoughts to the back of his mind as best as he could, distracting himself instead with his history paper.

faceless names and facts spurted from his memory, compiling a jumbled 3 page blurb. he’d have to work on it some more, but for now it’d do. at least he’d quelled his worries, if only for an hour.

it was already dark outside, but changbin couldn’t stand to be alone in his stuffy dorm any longer. shrugging on a jacket, he grabbed his wallet and keys, locking the dorm door behind him.

as he made his way out of the building, the chilly autumn air greeted him, freezing any ounce of warmth he’d previously had. he didn’t really care though, mainly focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. he pulled his jacket closer to his body, letting his feet lead him wherever they wanted.

he didn’t really care where he went; he just needed a distraction— something to stop his reoccurring thoughts that constantly plagued him. ironically enough, there he was standing in front of the building for music. he looked down at his feet dismayed, even they betrayed him.

he was there, though, so he figured he should just suck it up and start working. walking through the hallways, he heard the faint sound of bass booming through the walls. they were pretty soundproof, but not entirely. he could never stay away.

he quickly reserved a studio that was thankfully free and entered, feeling at home. the computers and speakers welcomed him with open arms, sparking his inspiration. he rushed to the seat, suddenly eager to begin.

a melody formed naturally in his head, and he hummed it repeatedly before recording it, so as to not forget. he flicked through samples, trying to find what matched best with the music he was imagining. he could see the track coming together so clearly in his head, but there were still some patchy areas.

something was missing.

changbin didn’t dwell on it though, choosing instead to grab the notepad and pen on the desk. he scribbled a few lines down, trying his best to match the mood of the song he envisioned. his eyes lit up as a clever line came to mind. his hand cramped as his hand ran wild with the overflowing ideas; it was like a dam was lifted.

he shook his hands, lightly massaging his wrist, before jumping back into his passion headfirst.

changbin had mostly finished the instrumental when his stomach rudely interrupted his streak with an irritating rumble. he hadn’t eaten anything since noon, and his stomach was definitely feeling the effects of his poor decisions. his eyes flitted over to the clock, where it displayed ‘9:25’ pm.

damn it. the dining hall closed at 9, and he was pretty sure that he had run out of protein bars in the dorm. whatever, it didn’t really matter. he wasn’t that hungry. a nagging voice in the back of his head flagged his obvious lie, but he mentally swatted away this pesky thought.

turning back to the computers, he let himself fall into his project, just him, the music escaping the speakers, and the sound of pen scratching on paper. he let himself go, free and wild at last, allowed himself to not be trapped by his insecurities and instead turned them into words that flowed perfectly. as perfectly as a late night studio song can be, at least. he was so absorbed in his craft, rapping out the lines and figuring out the guide, that he didn’t recognize the clock’s fateful ticks into the morning.

when changbin broke out of his focused trance and finally glanced over at the clock, he almost fell out of his chair. “3 am?!” he shrieked.

“what the hell...,” he muttered. only changbin could be this irresponsible. it was 3 in the morning, and he still had to prepare for his first class the next day, psychology. that and he had intended to work a little more on his history paper, but that definitely wasn’t going to happen because of his carelessness. and here he was, wasting even more precious time because of his stupid, stupid thoughts because of his idiotic behavior.

he facepalmed, admittedly a little harder than he had intended, but he was just so annoyed with himself.

“what is wrong with you?”

—

“ _whatever you wish for, you keep._ ”

—

by the time that changbin had walked back to his dorm, the clock had already passed 4, and changbin was feeling really dumb and exhausted. it’s like when he left the studio the eternal energy seeped out of him, and he was back to being dull and hopeless ... and irresponsible, but that wasn’t news. he was just tired, in more than one way. all he wanted to do was pass out, and (hopefully) wake up in time to skim his psychology readings.

after he finally managed to unlock the dorm’s door, he shuffled in as quietly as he could, careful not to wake his roommate, minho. he looked so peaceful in his sleep— a contrast to the normally worried senior changbin encountered. he loved seeing his hyung looking so relaxed, and he couldn’t wait to also fall into his soft (read: stiff) twin bed. he didn’t even care to change out of his clothes, only bothered to slip off his shoes by his bed and shrug his jacket off to sling it over his desk chair before he laid down. he barely remembered to set an alarm for 9 am (hopefully) before he knocked out, sinking into a deep sleep.

—

“ _in dreams you will lose your heartache._ ”

—

he didn’t dream of anything that night, or the night after, or the night after that one, but that was because he didn’t sleep. he would try, but he couldn’t.

he would lay on his back, screwing his eyes shut, waiting for his mind to succumb to sleep, but the wait was eternal. his thoughts stuck in his head, replaying his insecurities and faults over and over. he felt dissatisfied with himself, and those scars wouldn’t leave him. they sprayed his hating thoughts back at him, spouting his doubts into open wounds.

when he listened back to the song he made, it wasn’t as great as he had thought it was. the sounds that once flowed through his body and resonated with him now left him with a grating sound reverbating in his ears. is that all that he was capable of? is that the dream that he was chasing? a hopeless one? could he actually make it, if that was the music he was making? hell, the industry was already so competitive; he needed to create music that was special— he needed to be special, and if he himself didn’t feel special or unique or gifted, who would see him that way? who would listen to his music and appreciate it and want to support him if he himself wasn’t proud of his work? he was the problem.

the birds chirped, and the sunrise’s creeping glow illuminated the cramped room, and blank eyes stared up at the white ceiling, and if tears fell out, changbin didn’t acknowledge them. he was so tired of it all.

—

“ _no matter how your heart is grieving..._ ”

—

finally, a saturday morning, a reprieve from the draining week changbin had. he could hear the rain pelting against his window, and it brought him to peace. he loved when he woke up to rainy mornings; the pitter and patter of the rain would always calm him. god knows he needed it.

he wanted to stay cocooned by the warmth of his comforter, listening to the rain grace the window, but life had different plans.

minho entered the dorm at that moment, looking as if he’d just showered. “hey, changbin-ah,” he greeted.

changbin sat up, not quite letting go of the comforter, to properly talk to minho. “hello, hyung. how are you?”

“i had a busy week, but i’m good. i haven’t seen much of you lately, how are you doing?” minho rose a brow in his direction, now putting away his towel and dirty clothes.

“oh,” changbin frowned down at his hands. he didn’t know that the older had noticed. “i’m sorry.”

“no, no, it’s all right. it happens. are you okay, though?” minho asked, kind of concerned.

changbin let out a sigh, focusing on the peaceful sound of the rain before answering, “i’m not doing that well.” he peered up at his hyung to gauge his reaction, only to be met with prompting eyes.

“well, what i mean is- i love music, you know that. and, like, by pursuing it i’m taking a big risk, right? but, like, lately i’ve been feeling really disappointed with my work, and i don’t think i’ll make it, or that i’m good enough. and i’m trying, you know? but it just doesn’t sound special, and i’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and what if i don’t make it? what if i put in all that work for nothing? what if i’m chasing a hopeless dream?” his words came out rushed and slurred towards the end; hands expressing his anxious thoughts.

minho rubbed changbin’s back, letting the other even out his breaths before breaking the charged silence. “i know that it’s scary, not knowing what your future is going to be, how it’ll fare, but your hard work will never go to waste.” he placed his hand on changbin’s shoulder, assuring him. “binnie, you’re so talented that it’s crazy. i promise you that anyone can recognize your musicality. if they don’t, it’s their loss. don’t dwell on the “what ifs”. yes, it’s important to consider all options, but this is your passion. if it means anything, i believe you can succeed.”

if changbin cried in minho’s embrace, he wouldn’t admit it. he needed that, needed someone to not let him fall into his abyss of doubt. he needed to hear that his dream wasn’t just a possibility that he longed for, but the future reality.

dreams, after all, are what we spend our hours yearning for, even at the youngest ages. changbin could remember the first time he listened to music, the praised classic, twinkle twinkle little star. he had marveled over the smallest of symphonies, had always been enamored and fascinated when it came to the notes that melded so perfectly into a section. music had been his dream for so long, imprinting on him to the point where he felt absurd for ever wondering if he could let it go. he felt downright stupid for ever believing that he could throw away his passion. music had always been a part of him; there was no way he’d let himself be foolish enough to even ponder about pursuing anything but music.

changbin wasn’t going to give up on his dream.

—

“ _no matter how your heart is grieving; if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanted to say that this work is dedicated to all of those people out there who are insecure about pursuing their dream/figuring out what they want to do. it’s as much of an intellectual decision as it is an emotional one. if you think you can succeed, go for it. no opportunity will wait for you. i wish we all had a fictional minho to assure us, but sadly we don’t.
> 
> also! would it be interesting if i wrote about minho’s fears too? let me know if you’d be interested in that.
> 
> i wrote this a while ago after having some random inspiration while listening to lily james, and it’s been in the drafts for a bit. i published it today though to celebrate finishing my exams. thank god i’m done.
> 
> +(yes, ive posted this work before, it’s reworked now and for reference i originally published this on may 20th)  
> \+ as always, thanks for reading! comments & kudos are greatly appreciated. stay safe, everyone.
> 
> p.s. i have a writing/reading (AUs+books) twitter now it’s @stasungie !!


End file.
